COTFA friends, many of you already know the lovely Jennifer Funk. She is sharing her beautiful and heartbreaking story today, but I hope you will get through the post -- since it's real life. This is one of our own, and the other side of what we usually see. She reached out to us to help spread the word on #OperationServeToHeal to show her beautiful, brave, and kick-butt daughters how to make the worst day of their lives into a week of service to help others. You'll probably cry like me reading this. But I am asking you all to please RALLY and support Jennifer and her family. I hope you'll consider doing an activity and posting on Instagram so these little girls will know someone out there is thinking of their family and sending love. - Mariss
“I’m grateful to those who have joined with us during Operation Serve to Heal. You have helped change the worst day of our lives into one with a sacred purpose. ”
Can you tell us a little bit about why you started Operation Serve to Heal? It's such a beautiful message and we'd love to know more. Would you share about why it was important for you to do this, what it means to your family, and how it is evolving?
May 1st 2008 was the day we lost Brad. Every year, the month or so leading up to May 1st is just really difficult for me. I can feel it sneaking up when spring starts to come. I can’t stop my mind from revisiting every last experience we had with Brad… It’s emotionally exhausting. In all the May 1st’s we’ve had since 2008 I haven’t been able to figure out a way around it. Everything we lost being counted down again, year after year. The apprehension about the arrival of this day and the weeks leading up to it are usually more difficult than the day it’s self.
Interestingly, May 1st, while I always dread it and it is always difficult. It is also a day that I know Brad is just so close. It is a tender mercy day. Every year we try to do things that will help bring us peace and remind us of Brad. We have little rituals that help. We get together with family and others who loved Brad as well. These things always help. But it is still always a heart wrenching day that I am happy to have over.
Three years ago after being inspired by some widow friends who had done random acts of kindness on difficult days the girls and I came up with a plan. We were going to continue with our regular rituals, but we wanted to add one thing. Service. We talked about how Brad went around doing good. I have saved countless emails and letters that people have sent telling stories about Brad. The common theme is that he served. Family, God, Country. He was serving others every day. We thought it was a fitting tribute to him.
That first year we did very simple things. Picked up garbage, passed out gift cards at Wal-Mart, bought someones food at the drive through. We passed out little cards that said this little act of kindness was done in honor of our hero...
It was so simple. But the effects were truly amazing. I found that what we needed was to get outside our pain, especially on this day. We needed it NOT to be about us. It sounds clinche, but choosing to do something other than think about what we lost that day helped us so much. Our May 1st was transformed. And we had a new tradition.
My favorite thing about this project is the effect it has had on my two youngest daughters. Sophie was 2 1/2 and Addie was 6 months old when Brad died. They were so little they don’t remember the outpouring of love. We no longer live near any of our Air Force friends. With the exception of family, everyone the girls know did not get the opportunity to know their Daddy. So my hope for this day was first and foremost – these little girls. Helping them feel loved on this worst of all days.
“My favorite thing about this project is the effect it has had on my two youngest daughters. Sophie was 2 1/2 and Addie was 6 months old when Brad died. They were so little they don’t remember the outpouring of love. We no longer live near any of our Air Force friends. With the exception of family, everyone the girls know did not get the opportunity to know their Daddy. So my hope for this day was first and foremost – these little girls. Helping them feel loved on this worst of all days. ”
I wanted my little girls to see that people love and respect their daddy for his life and for his service to our country. I wanted them to see that people haven’t forgotten him… and that they haven’t forgotten them. – That there are people from all over who stop on May 1st. They think of Brad and think of his family. I know this. and I feel it. and I am SO grateful for it. {I wanted them to know it too.} I tell them. but during Operation Serve to Heal they had a chance to SEE it on their own.
Over the past few years it has evolved. We’ve given it a name {Operation Serve to Heal} We have invited others to join us in serving and to share online if they feel comfortable doing so { #operationservetoheal }
For those who knew and loved Brad, it provides a way to do something good in honor of him. For those who didn’t know Brad, we encourage them to serve in honor of someone THEY love and to share their story with us. We have stretched it from 1 day to 5 days so we have time to do a few extra projects. We’ve added a bake sale to try to raise money for local and military charities that are close to our hearts.
When we did our day of service last year I was amazed at how those small little actions completely changed the way I view this day. I realized that I don’t need to feel like this day holds me hostage. That, no matter what happened on this day… I have a choice about how it will be from now on. I get to write the story for all the rest of my May 1st’s.
I’m grateful to those who have joined with us during Operation Serve to Heal. You have helped change the worst day of our lives into one with a sacred purpose.
You've talked about art being a healing journey for you. Would you tell us about what art has done to help you?
Making things has always been a great outlet for me. Brad was always very supportive of my desire to create and was so encouraging. When my middle child, Sophie was born we made the decision that I would quit teaching full time and stay home. I started a business making wood signs to help supplement that loss of income and Brad was my partner. He did the wood working and I did the painting. I like to say that he held the title of my “official Crafting partner”.
After he died I stopped creating for a few years. It was very difficult for me to make anything without him. I began to feel this call to create again, but in a different way. I had always drug Brad to every gallery and art fair. I admired those works of art so much, but I had never taken an art class... not even in high school, so I just thought I could never do that.
I began secretly painting in my basement about 5 years ago. I didn’t show anyone and i certainly didn’t know what I was doing.... but something powerful was happening when I was attempting to throw some paint on that canvas. I was happy! Painting was lifting me out of depression. It was causing me to cry some tears that were actually happy! (and, um, that was a BIG deal) I had felt this call for years and ignored it... and when I finally did listen I was so grateful that i had dared to try. My painting practice was born from losing Brad and the desire to find a way to surround myself with something happy, colorful and full of hope. Something that could house words I had written that I NEEDED to read each day. When I was painting I did not feel alone. I felt like Brad was a huge part of this, and that he was so happy that I’d begun creating again.
Over the years I’ve learned that ultimately having someone like or buy my work is not the important thing. Knowing what I was doing is not the important thing. CREATING IT is the important thing. There is a little bit of magic in creating. It has value because of the effect it has on me. It’s my self prescribed grief therapy and it’s healing my heart a little at a time.
“Over the years I’ve learned that ultimately having someone like or buy my work is not the important thing. Knowing what I was doing is not the important thing. CREATING IT is the important thing. There is a little bit of magic in creating. It has value because of the effect it has on me. It’s my self prescribed grief therapy and it’s healing my heart a little at a time. ”
Finding the COTFA community has been a huge help to me in my pursuit to put my work out there in the world.{ because that is scary scary right?} I have found the artists here to be so kind and generous with their encouragement. Thank you!! You help me be brave.
For the girls: We as a community are so proud of the work that you and your Mom are doing. We are in awe of all you are doing to help others in your Daddy's memory. We can only imagine how proud your Mom is of you, and how proud your dad would be of you. Can you share a little bit of why you want to help others? What is something you'd like to tell people who want to help, but don't know how to start? Any advice or tips for us?
{ just FYI, my mom heart just burst reading this to the girls. They were very touched by your sweet words. }
Why we like Operation Serve to Heal:
Sophie , age 11: We like Operation Serve to Heal because we get to serve on a day that is super hard for us. We can be happy by helping other people be happy.
Addie, age 9: If you have a hard day and you don’t know what to do, just go help people. It makes you feel happy. My favorite is earning money for the kids at The Shamba Foundation and buying someone’s food at the drive through!
Jennifer, if it's not too much - what do you think Brad would have thought if he knew you'd blossom in your creative work and become an artist?
I know he would be so happy and proud. He always made me feel like I could do anything. His love is very empowering. I still feel that from him. I know he is not far from us. We feel his influence in our lives and I’m so grateful for that miracle. I think he’s pretty proud of all his girls :)
Want to help and and don't know where to start?
1) This week, print off a few of these #OperationServeToHeal cards and hand them out when you do a Random Act of Kindness. Don't forget to tag the hashtag so Jennifer and the family can see us spreading the love and remembering their special husband and father.
2) Make a donation to a cause the Funk family supports or something close to your own heart! Again, tag #OperationServetoHeal
3) Thank someone. Call someone. Write a letter. Especially a family or person who is serving or has served. I was inspired today and called a 70 year old friend who is a Vietnam Veteran. He was truly touched when I told him why I had chosen today to call, and said to please pass along his love to Jennifer and her three daughters. - Marissa
4) Go to Operation Serve to Heal for some great tips.
Website: Jennifer Funk Designs
Instagram: @jenniferfunkdesigns
More Info on Operation Serve to Heal
Instagram: @OperationServeToHeal
Participate & Tag #OperationServeToHeal